We Can’t Blame The Gun This Time

I knew it would happen, I just thought it would happen after stiffer gun laws came into effect. Another disgruntled young male went on a killing spree. What will be blamed this time?

The people who are staunchly advocating for tougher gun laws will say at least there are not as many deaths with a knife compared to deaths when a gun is used.

I agree the US needs some stiffer gun laws or the laws that already exist need fine tuning and properly enforced, especially the need for training and proper licensing.

In Canada a hand gun requires a different license and a 5 day waiting period from the day the gun is bought to the day the purchaser can take possession (with the first hand gun, after that the person can purchase and take as many hand guns as he wants).
There is a 30 day waiting period for license approval. But once you have your license you can purchase a rifle with no wait.

We also have laws pertaining to the storage of fire arms; which requires they be stored in a locked gun case, be decommissioned or have a trigger lock. But this law would not have prevented Nikolas Cruz, his gun was in a locked gun case. Under Canadian gun laws the Vegas shooter would not have been stopped either. I am unsure what the laws in Canada have to say about the fact that Nikolas Cruz advertised on Facebook for months prior to actually shooting up the school. I think that comes down to society in general ignoring a potential time bomb until it blew. In my opinion the responsibility lies on the shoulders of the mental health professionals and police.

You can ban bump stocks or large magazines but that won’t prevent them from existing and being purchased illegally. A legal gun can be modified; Google it.

If someone wants to kill they are not concerned about doing it legally; think about it.

As was just shown with the recent school stabbings in PA stricter gun laws is not going to stop school violence. 21 students are injured, some very seriously, deaths are yet to be determined. Sure there are not as many deaths as in Florida, but even one death is too many.

Guns, knives, bombs, vehicles, are all tools a person can use to kill enmass.
After Canada brought in stiffer gun laws the homicide rate for guns did drop. But interestingly enough the over all rate of homicides AND suicides went up. So stiffer laws on guns only prevented deaths using a gun NOT deaths.

It only makes sense to me that instead of eliminating the means, we need to look at the CAUSE. Guns do not CAUSE deaths, it is the person holding the gun who is doing the killing.

Why aren’t people asking WHY!? why are young men (its not women doing the killing) so angry they feel mass murder is the solution?

Could it be that every single mass shooter, adult or youth, has been on some prescription psychiatric drug for either depression or ADHD commonly known as SSRI’s?
It is a multi faceted problem that needs to be addressed at the cause.

My mother has had a leak in her kitchen for 30 years. Every time it rains when the wind is blowing a certain direction her kitchen gets a puddle. It appeared to be coming from the skylight. She has hired numerous contractors to fix the leak. They caulk here, reseal there, and think they have it fixed. It has appeared fixed for a year or more; until the wind is blowing in just the right direction during a rain storm and my mom walks into her kitchen to another puddle. She is at her wits end about the problem, the gyproc is now falling away from the ceiling there is no way of hiding the damage any more and the leak is getting worse. My brother and my son (my son was 4 when she moved into the house and it leaked, he is 34 now) are both highly respected in the construction industry and they have both worked on the leak and thought they had it fixed, but no such luck. It leaked again this winter. You can keep patching it again and again and you can patch the drywall and it looks fixed but it will eventually leak again. Until you find the source of the leak the problem won’t go away and the source of the leak may not be where you think it is. Water can travel a long way from the original source of the leak.

To assume guns are the cause of mass shootings is like patching the leak in a roof without finding the source of the leak.

I am not saying that the SSRI’s are totally to blame either; I think it is a combination of factors contributing to the bigger problem.

I AM saying; find the source, and you will be able to fix the problem.

Raising Kids In A Crazy World

50s picnic

When my son would start acting in a way I wasn’t happy about, I would ask myself, “What has changed in his life lately?”

So when teenagers started shooting up their schools, killing their peers, I started looking for what has changed in a teenager’s life over the last couple of decades. I discovered that the situation is way worse than we hear on the news, incidents of school violence are far more prevalent than we know because they don’t report the stabbings and suicides.

If you get a bunch of people together, say aged 40 on up; they will all say that it’s a miracle any of us survived. Our parents smoked cigarettes around us, we rode in the back of pick up trucks, rode our bikes without helmets, didn’t have car seats, we threw lawn darts at each other, ate peanut butter, (and playdoh, glue, and chewed lead pencils) and played outside (without adult supervision) until Dad whistled it was time to come home (Don’t make him whistle twice!!) Society was outraged that kids were dying so we made laws to keep our kids safe, but they are still dying and they are purposely killing themselves!! THAT should scare the crap out of every parent reading this. Suicide is the 2nd leading cause of death in teenagers and children aged 10-19 years old in the US and the numbers keep getting higher. It is the 9th leading cause of death of teens in Canada. In 2015 there were 1537 male suicides and 524 females. Not only are the majority of mass shooters male, they are more than twice as likely as girls to kill themselves. 43% of boys hung themselves and only 20% used a gun.

To focus on assault weapons and semi-automatic guns is avoiding the real problem, it is blaming an inanimate object when we should be trying to figure out WHY our children want to die.

I see 8 factors contributing to our teens killing themselves and each other.

ONE: The demise of the family unit. Part of the reason it has happened is women got equal rights, equal pay and were able to get out of lousy marriages, which is a good thing, but it also enabled people to give up on their marriages when the going gets a little tough. (I have 3 marriages under my belt so I am not criticizing anyone and if I was to do it over I would have worried a whole hell of a lot less about getting a man and would have gotten a dog instead).  It used to be that on Sundays the neighborhood would be a bee hive of activity with lawns being mowed, kids playing, neighbors talking over the fence, Sunday picnic and drives, back yard barbecues, church, it was family day, the day of the week the family did something together. Families were larger, there were siblings around to talk to and support each other. Kids had chores to do, they learned about hard work, responsibility, sharing the workload, and there is comfort in having your family around you, blood is thicker than water. Kids need boundaries and rules growing up, it gives them security. When parents set rules it gives the kids an easy out when they want to say no. “My parents would kill me”. It is a parents job to teach children to grow into responsible productive adults not to be their friend.

Adults don’t give kids credit for being affected by stress in the household, money problems, even the news. Young people have a lot of pressures on them and then throw losing a parent in on top of it. If the parents are battling it adds to the stress, if one parent doesn’t see the kids regularly or puts the kids in the middle. Very few parents are able to put their hurt and anger aside completely and the children pay for that. The mom’s usually have the kids and they are more apt to show their emotions more than a man would. Parents don’t have the same last name as their children and step parents come and go.

If parents could always keep what is in the best interest of the child as a first priority divorces would be a whole hell of a lot cheaper and children would be healthier and happier. I like the way my son looks at things with his daughter’s momma. “What ever I do for my daughter’s momma to make her life easier, is making my daughter’s life easier.”

TWO: Technology has advanced so quickly over the last 20 years. When us kids were out riding our bikes and playing outside all day we would fight, argue, scream at each other that we hated the other person and swear we would never play with them again, then two days later be best friends again. We learned to problem solve, resolve conflict, use our imaginations and develop relationships. We were “liked” by people we knew and played with every day, not some duck-faced Kardashian-wanna-be we have never met. There was no lying about who we were, people saw us every day and if we would have taken selfies people would have laughed at us. Sure there were the jocks and cheer leaders who were the envy of everyone but there were far more of “us” than “them“.We have gone from one TV per household to everyone in the family having their own TV and the internet at their finger tips. Everyone watches their own “entertainment”, kids judge their value by how many “likes” their photo shopped selfies get. Sex is every where, 7 year old’s are trying to look sexy. Teens and preteens have their faces buried in their phones, but then so do most parents. Do parents know what their kids are looking at? Here is a site that should scare the shit out of every parent. I got this on Facebook the other day, it is so scary!!

THREE: Economy. The world economy has been volatile, jobs are never certain, house prices have gone through the roof, homelessness is rampant. The middle class has disappeared, you have the rich and the poor. Not that long ago the majority of society was in the middle class somewhere and everyone was “equal”. If parents are still together they are both working, at all hours, 7 days a week; just to make ends meet. There is a lot of pressure to achieve and attain material things. Families used to get by with one vehicle, one TV, teens got a part time job to save $500 so they could buy a junker for a first car. Now there is so much pressure to “keep up with the Jones’s”. Limo’s for grad and hundreds of dollars spent on the dress, hair, shoes, I got married for less than it costs for some of these kids to go to grad. and it is expected! Never mind the ridiculous amount people are expected to pay for their wedding.
A lot of teens wouldn’t be caught dead driving a shit box car or wearing 2nd hand clothes and the ones who do are often times bullied. A teen wants nothing more than to be “liked” and accepted, to be one of the “crowd” but the standards are unrealistically high because of “reality” shows and social media and parents play into it. Stop!!! Very few teens have the confidence or are self assured enough to not care what people think and value their uniqueness. Uniqueness is not valued or nurtured by any one, not teachers, parents, not the community. Post secondary education is a must if a person wants to get any kind of job but is so expensive students are in over their head in debt before they even start.

FOUR. Absentee Fathers: I personally know the emotional damage absentee fathers do to their kids. I raised a son as a single mom and his father was not in his life in any meaningful way, it seemed his main purpose was to undermine our son’s confidence and disappoint him. It quite literally broke my heart to watch my son be disappointed time after time. His dad did nothing but criticize, saying my son was tied to my apron strings and I babied him too much (excuse me, but mother’s mother, they don’t father. Even when they try to play both roles there is something even the best mothers can’t do and that is; be a father). My son was teased and bullied in school and by the nasty kid down the street, teachers couldn’t do anything, talking to the parents did nothing, we moved, switched schools. It was hell for my son and when I asked his dad for help he said, “You wanted him, you got him, deal with it”. When I told him his son needed a dad, he said “He’ll survive” I said, “I want my child to do more than survive childhood.” He thought if he praised our son he would stop trying. How ridiculous!

His dad used to give him shit if he cried so when he got scared or nervous he would get angry instead. I knew he was just afraid but it really turned other people off. I had him in counseling, at times I was on suicide watch when he was little; suffice to say he really suffered not having a dad or any positive male role model around. Dad’s need to step up to the plate in a big way, yes some do, and that is great but we need all dad’s to stop viewing spending time with their kids as “giving the mom a break” and just get to the business of being a parent.

FIVE: Single mom’s don’t get a lot of support from the community around them. I think my son had 3 teachers in 10 years who made an effort to work with Kris, keep him challenged and teach him the way he needed to be taught. He completed grade 10 and 1/2 of grade 11 in his 10th year and had 6 months off before school started again and he never went back. (He has gotten his GED and gone on to College since). He got in with the wrong crowd in his teens, which is typical of kids who are bullied because they want to fit in somewhere. I was going through some financial difficulties and had to sell my big house and down size from 2800 sq ft to about an 800 sq ft cabin. I was so overwhelmed with my own problems I didn’t think about the effect it had on my son at the time. It was a critical time for him and I really couldn’t deal with him pushing the limits. I was tired and had no support from anyone. Everyone, simply everyone; including my mother and brother told me to “wash my hands of him”, “forget I ever had him”, I had “ruined him by loving him too much”, he had “always been a difficult child” and they refused to give me any support if I didn’t walk away from him.  In general society feels that way about teens who challenge the system and take an effort, they want to toss them aside, forget about them. I didn’t, I couldn’t! My point is proven with Nikolas Cruz, he was prescribed mood altering drugs and basically treated like a pain in the ass and ignored, otherwise thirty 911 calls would have seen him get help.

When my son was 16-19 I truly didn’t think he would live to 21, either he would kill someone or someone would kill him or he would end up in jail.

We had our struggles but long story short; he got his life back on track. He has thanked me more than once for loving him when he didn’t love himself and believing in him when he didn’t believe in himself. He STILL longs for his father’s approval and he is 34 and successful in his chosen career, leads a well rounded, productive life and is the best father I have ever seen. I could not be prouder!! It makes me wonder, what would have happened to him if I would have died when he was 18.

SIX: More Pressure and Higher Expectations than ever before. In society’s efforts to give their kids a better life than they had the pendulum has swung too far the other way.
Somewhere along the way we decided kids were “equals” and in the process stopped teaching them respect. I have news for you, kids are NOT equal, they haven’t been around long enough to be my equal, they don’t have the life experience. There are certain common signs of respect that I feel children should adhere to like calling their elders Mr and Mrs. It may not seem like a big thing or that it would have anything to do with mass shootings but it teaches respect for other people.

I tried to teach my son how to communicate effectively, in a way people would listen. You are entitled to get angry but you are not allowed to scream, punch, or throw a temper tantrum, if you must, go to your room, get it out of your system and then come back and talk to me calmly, rationally and with respect.

I don’t believe “because I told you to” is a good enough reason and a child has a right to an explanation, but that doesn’t mean everything is negotiable, children need rules, mealtimes, bedtimes, bath times and they also need cuddle time, family time and alone time.

SEVEN: Culture. Society in general has changed, our values, morals, and gender roles. More than ever before in history sex and violence are bombarding young minds, in our music, movies, on social media, video games and on TV. Teens are being told that girls must be sexy in order to get a guy (as if their value is dependent on having a man and being pretty) and boys are taught boys don’t cry, talk about their feelings, and violence makes the man. The more rejected the guy feels the more he isolates himself, the angrier he gets and the more he buries himself in violent video games and obsesses about getting revenge. We have to stop raising our boys to believe they are superior and automatically entitled because they are males. The role of hunter/gatherer is obsolete, there is no “woman’s work”, and we have to teach our boys how to fend for themselves, there is no shame in crying or asking for help. Lord knows Nikolas Cruz was crying for help the only way he knew how, by cutting himself, posting on FB he was going to shoot up a school.

EIGHT: Mind altering drugs that dull empathy and compassion, induce anger, aggression, paranoia, suicidal thoughts, and homicidal tendencies combined with a shattered family unit, a disappearing middle class and fragile economy, an absentee father, peer pressure and bullying.

And there you have the recipe for “How To Make Mass Murderer”



The Making Of A Mass Murderer – Part 1




Mass shooters are the ones we hear about the most but there are mass murderers who use other means; such as bombs, as with the Boston Marathon; or a combination of guns and bombs.

Before we go any further lets look at the trait of a mass shooter/murderer

  • Statistically, 90% of mass murderers are white males and between the age of 20-30 Women tend to see violence as a self-defense mechanism if there is no other way out.  
  • White entitlement combined with economic anxiety. White people are socialized into believing that they are the superior race, they have high expectations for their own success, and are less able to cope with loss when they fail to achieve that success
  • Lower to middle class upbringing
  • Most are single or divorced
  • Many are highly intelligent if not geniuses
  • Almost all of them have a history of domestic abuse.
    Violence toward the women in their lives was the first warning sign of what was to come. It’s too bad no one in power was listening, but then domestic violence is still not recognized for the problem it is, with 1 in 3 women experiencing domestic abuse in her lifetime
  • Tend to isolate themselves, often described as being a loner

Many newspapers refer to the shooter as a narcissist. I have 18 years experience with them and it just does not fit. Many disorders display narcissistic traits, we all have narcissistic traits, some times more than other times depending on what is going on in our lives. When a person feels they lack mutual aid and protection, they are more likely to become focused on their own interests and welfare. That is, they become more self-centered. I see it in victims of domestic abuse all the time. I think the shooter may be pushed to his emotional limit by whatever circumstances (usually a divorce, job loss, or death of a loved one) and becomes self-obsessed. Yes, he blames everyone else for his problems but a narcissist considers himself superior to others and doesn’t really concern himself with what people think of him. Shooters are motivated by feelings of inferiority.

The narcissist has learned from a very early age to mimic the emotions of others and tends to blend into society extremely well. He can morph into any personality he chooses at any time. A narcissist feels genuinely entitled to special treatment and has no concern for the people he hurts in his attempts to get the things he wants or thinks he needs.  They are very vengeful but generally seek revenge in covert ways and only kill when they think they are going to be exposed for what they really are or lose control over the situation. Narcissists feel they are too special to commit suicide or self harm, they are usually quite charismatic and rarely ever seek help from a counselor, they simply don’t think they have any flaws or blame.

Whereas the shooters have a history of going to therapists/psychiatrists, depression, self harm, suicide attempts, feelings of inadequacy, paranoia about people being against them, and have isolated themselves from society.  

Mass killers do not just ‘snap.’ – it is a slow build up over time, sometimes years

  • Diaries of some shooters revealed a common feeling of rejection, being dismissed, disrespected and devalued by a group, either the popular crowd at school; or work mates and seeking vengeance for this perceived or real maltreatment.
  • They become paranoid, resentful, suspicious and spend their time alone ruminating about all the ways they have been mistreated, growing more resentful as time goes on. The more we think about something the deeper it embeds in the brain.
    (I have seen this happen often with victims of narcissistic abuse. They can’t stop ruminating about the narcissist and what he is doing now. They literally drive themselves crazy and it seems totally out of their control, it is all they think about. What happens is; the pathways to the brain get so embedded it is all their brain can think about. It becomes a vicious cycle because the more they think about him the deeper those pathway become and the more they think about him. Time does not heal them, they end up a year later obsessing even more. The only way to end it is to consciously retrain the brain to think of other things. If you don’t know you can retrain your brain and you are focused on how people keep humiliating and rejecting you, you would eventually become totally paranoid which would drive people further away, compounding the problem.) Driving the shooter further into isolation.
  • They finally start to fantasize about getting violent revenge.

“We also could do a lot more to prevent these attacks with a far more robust mental health system, and especially with mental health care that focuses on addressing toxic forms of masculinity.” https://www.seeker.com/culture/behavior/mass-shootings-in-the-us-some-common-characteristics-of-the-men-that-kill

  • At this point they become a ticking time bomb so that when some major loss happens, the loss of a job or marriage break up, in Cruz’s case, his mother died
  • Social media is another huge contributor to the feelings of inadequacy. How many friends a person has, how many likes a person gets, online bullying, and the narcissistic fantasy world so many people project to live, plus the tendency for people to say things they would not say in person when they are behind a computer screen, all feed the shooter’s insecurities.

The further I investigated the more I was being led some where I had not really expected to go, but made total sense and led me to change the title of this post from Traits Of A Mass Shooter to The Making Of A Mass Shooter.

Everyone is blaming the NRA for the gun violence but there is one influencer far more powerful and with far more money than the NRA and that is Big Pharma.

I understand that people with mental illness battle the stigma attached to it and have suffered a lot of prejudice and misconception about things like Autism, Bi-Polar, Schizophrenia, simply going to a counselor can be cause for criticism. This post might not be too popular with some of those people but I am just reporting facts and what I know to be true from my experience and anyone is free to comment with a differing opinion as long as all comments are respectful and relevant.  I do believe people who have suicidal thoughts, spontaneous fits of rage or severe mood swings should probably not own a gun.

My personal experience with doctors is they are often quick to prescribe drugs because it is easier and I know damn well they are given perks for recommending certain drugs.  Even with my heart meds I had a hellish time for a year trying to convince the doctors that the side effects were so horrific I wanted to die, once I found a doctor who listened to me and changed my medication my health changed almost overnight. (and it was proven just last week when they read the printout from my defibrillator, on the old drugs in 6 months I had 84 heart episodes, 5 “events” and a major heart attack and they told me my only option was a heart transplant. After 6 months on the new meds, I had 1 episode, period). If you are mentally unstable you are not going to necessarily realize it is your drugs making you sick and doctors tend to just prescribe more drugs to counteract the other drugs.

Adding to the problem is, society has a “quick fix” mentality also, if you are still crying two weeks after your marriage ended friends are pretty quick to say “Maybe you should get something from the doctor just to get through this”, “You really need to just get over it and move on.” I have talked to enough victims of narcissistic abuse through my other blog www.ladywithatruck.com and I am constantly amazed how many of them are two weeks out and upset because they don’t feel like dating yet. I have had people suggest I get an anti-depressant at different times in my life. I see no point in medicating myself when I have every right to be depressed. If I had no reason to be depressed or stressed I could see it.

I think often times the side effects are worse than the illness.

With the Las Vegas shooter, they had not been able to come up with one common indicator or trait that fit the profile of a mass shooter, no domestic abuse, not known to police, had money, he was a preferred customer at the casino. An autopsy revealed Stephen Paddock had anti-anxiety drugs (benzodiazepines, commonly known to cause aggression) in his system.

The data on all mass shooters is incomplete because police have not been told to investigate the case from that angle and rumor has it, the people who did make the connection were quickly hushed. For sure Big Pharma does not want the truth to come out, there is a lot of money being made pushing anti-depressants and drugs like Ritalin. In every single one of the mass shooters or mass murderers, plus numerous singular homicides where the information was recorded; the shooter was on a psychiatric drug. There are over 30 cases of mass school violence where the shooter was either on or withdrawing from psychiatric drugs.

Don’t miss my next post on drugging our kids and making them into mass murderers.



American Psychiatric Association: Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, 5th Edition.