Surprising Mistakes People Make When They Want A Low Maintenance Yard

Take it from a professional landscaper; there is no such thing as a “no maintenance” yard. A low maintenance landscape still requires some effort or it will look horrible surprisingly fast, lowering the value of your home at the same time. If you are buying a house be prepared to put some effort into maintaining the yard. If you don’t want or have the time to put into maintaining the yard consider purchasing a condo or townhouse where yard maintenance is taken care or hire a professional landscaper a minimum of twice a year.

Drive around some new neighborhoods and check out the lovely “low maintenance” landscaping and then go back in a year and you’ll notice how many of those low maintenance yards look like crap! The plants are dead, the grass is brown and patchy, and there are weeds overtaking everything. It doesn’t take long.

Something you may not think of is that many contractors know nothing about landscaping and put the quickest, cheapest, bare minimum investment into the landscaping. In most subdivisions the soil is anything but fertile; it’s rocky, filled with construction debris and lacking in any nutrients. The contractor levels the dirt and throws turf on top, a few colorful plants for curb appeal and calls it a day.

You will never be able to keep the grass green unless, before they laid the turf, they put down a thick layer of good quality top soil. The grass roots will stay too close to the surface and the grass will burn as soon as summer hits. Any water will stay on the surface and not soak into the roots.

So many people wanting low maintenance eliminate grass all together and lay down landscaping fabric, dump a load of rocks, lava rock or bark mulch on it and think they have solved the problem. Unfortunately in not too long you will have something that looks like this

If you like the looks of rock fine, but be prepared to get out there once or twice a month and pull weeds or you will have a nasty job on your hands; the same applies for lava rock and bark mulch.

A common misconception many nonlandscaper type people have is that landscaping fabric blocks weeds. I don’t know any professional landscapers that use landscape fabric or plastic because it is more of a pain in the ass than its worth.

Truth be told weeds spread in the wind and they will root anyway, a crack between patio pavers, in your lava rock, and grow up through a pile of rocks. You or someone you hire is going to end up on their knees pulling weeds.

No Vaccine For The Leading Cause Of Death In Women

It should scare the crap out of everyone that every single day 3 women are murdered by their partner (or ex-partner) or that one out of every 3 girls will experience domestic abuse in their lifetime.

I want to go into high schools, gather all the students together, get all the girls to form groups of 3 girls and then have one girl leave the group. Maybe it would hit home. Maybe if parents had a visual they would take it seriously. This is not confined to a “type” of woman, a class, or an age. It is an epidemic affecting women every where and it is not getting better.

If anything, even with all the public awareness campaigns reports of abuse have dropped but domestic homicides have gone up.

I think society, women, parents, still think, “Yes, it is horrible, yes, I know it happens in all cultures, all economic levels, and ages, and I don’t blame the victim…..but it would never happen to me (my daughter, my mother, my sister….).” Deep down the majority of society still views the victim as flawed somehow.

We all think we are special, if you are a father you think, “I’ll kill any bastard that lays a hand on my daughter.” A brother may think he would protect his sister. A parent might think they raised their daughter to never put up with shit from any man.

Take it from a woman who never took shit from men, who was self sufficient, confident, gainfully employed, and could do without a man in my life quite easily thank you! Believe me, at 41 years old, after never being in an abusive relationship in my life and kicking any man who tried to control me to the curb; it can happen to anyone!

Plus, I owned my home but I thought for sure if worse came to worse my mother would never let me be homeless or turn her back on me. I thought for sure my brother would defend me. As it turns out, people we think have our back often times turn their back on us when we need them the most.

One of the things that made me more vulnerable was the belief it could never happen to me. Me!? No way! I said it more than once, “If a man ever hit me I would be gone so fast his head would spin.”

I could not understand why women went back or why they didn’t charge the guy, and assumed it was because they weren’t as independent or strong as I was.

Once I was in an abusive relationship and kept going back, my confidence in shreds, I kept thinking, “If I can end up like this, how on earth would a younger less confident woman ever survive it?”

How do we change things? We teach our young girls that their worth is not wrapped up in whether they have a man or not. Women don’t “snag” or “catch” a man and the men don’t lose a damn thing when they get married. Women are not in a competition for a man and should be loyal and supportive of their gender.

We used to blame inequality for women staying with their abuser but that excuse doesn’t hold water any more.

We have to stop calling domestic homicide a “crime of passion” and stop romanticizing things like stalking. Stalking is NOT love, jealousy is not love, calling 25 times a day is not love. It is not cute and it should not be brushed off or ignored.

We need to educate young girls to recognize the early signs of an abusive man and not be flattered if he is possessive.

At a very young age that having a man does not give you value. You are not lacking anything if you don’t have a man. There is nothing wrong with you. And instead of trying to be the kind of woman a man wants, girls should be more concerned with, “is he the kind of man I want in my life?”.

There is nothing wrong with having high standards and a woman isn’t being a princess or too demanding to expect to be treated with respect. We have to teach our kids to respect each other and respect themselves.

I am not naive enough to think girls should be virgins when they get married and the human body is nothing to be ashamed of but seriously, teen age girls should not think they have to put out to get the guy. Music, movies, “reality tv” put too much emphasis on sex at an age when girls are just discovering their own bodies and dealing with their own hormones let alone trying to be “cool and grown up” about sex.

Mom’s stop sexualizing your daughters. Big sisters need to set an example for your little sister by not swooning over every guy.

The reality is; girls and boys are different hormonally, always have been, always will be. It is a scientifically proven fact that when women have sex with a man hormone called Oxytocin is released. Oxytocin is nicknamed “the cuddle hormone” and is proven to lower a woman’s defenses, making her more forgiving, she is more trusting and it also increases empathy.

A man releases the pleasure hormone, and once he has sex there is no long term hang over, whereas the woman, even if she wasn’t that nuts for the guy prior to having sex, she now sees him in a different light. She has unfounded trust in him and is blind to his flaws. That is why women will be heart broken over a relationship that only lasted a few dates if she was having sex with the guy. He is just there for a good time and thought they were on the same page, she is planning their wedding.

That is why a narcissist pushes for sex early in the relationship because he knows once he gets her into bed he has her hooked.

My dad used to say, “Boys give love for sex and girls give sex for love ” and it doesn’t work. We have to teach our girls this about themselves and explain why they have to wait until they know a man before having sex. Once those trusting thought patterns are formed it is very hard to change them and if a person isn’t even aware what’s happening, impossible to change and that is why women end up staying far too long in a toxic relationship.

Turned 60 With Half My Teeth

My birthday wish didn’t quite come true, I had teeth but couldn’t wear my lowers. At least I had my uppers and was able to smile. They are still too big but they don’t look like horse teeth any more, more like beaver teeth.

I have to say Adam has been great!!!  I went back to see him this past Friday and he adjusted the lower denture so that it is much more comfortable. I asked again if I had heard right; that he was going to make me a whole new set of teeth in a couple of months and he said yes, most definitely.

He patiently repeated what he had said, that he wanted to make these teeth as comfortable and functional as possible so I have teeth and then in 2-3 months he will order new teeth and do another mold and fit me with totally new dentures the right size in every way.

I totally understand that and am good with that!

As it is I ate solid food yesterday!! yippee! Cucumber! cut in very small pieces but solid food none the less!

If I would have gotten dentures that were the right size right from the beginning I would be totally used to them by now. My birthday is past, I am looking to the future and I can see the light at the end of the tunnel. Sometime in June I will have my new dentures and I know how quickly a couple of months can fly by. I want to get started on living and not waiting for something. It seems the past few years all I have done is wait…… for disability, to feel well, for teeth, and now I want to start doing!

It is amazing how a person’s confidence comes back the minute they have teeth again! I immediately felt attractive again, got my sense of humor back and got my optimism back. I am ready to tackle the world again. Well, maybe not the world, but at least life. I lost my ability to tackle the world when I met the narcissist. Stress will do that to a person. The simplest thing can send me into a tail spin these days.

Tip #4 – All this turmoil motivated me to do more research on dentures and I wish I had done that prior to getting all my teeth yanked out. For one thing, to get immediate dentures is apparently a lot more painful than not having them inserted the same day the teeth are pulled. When I got my partials I had my back teeth pulled over the course of a year to spread the cost out and so that I didn’t need to be put out (which of course costs more) and then they pulled the one tooth in the front and inserted the partial. That was a TOTALLY different experience than having 11 teeth removed and having full dentures in immediately. I can not imagine having a full mouth of dentures right away. My mouth was sore and swollen enough without having to contend with dentures in there too. I hear there is something they call temporary dentures that you can wear until your gums go down. I would definitely look into what options there are available.

It Doesn’t Take That Much To Make Me Smile

All I kept thinking yesterday was; “I feel sorry for all the people who got stuck with ill-fitting dentures and were told “Don’t wear them then” and were dismissed”

Tip #3 – don’t let anyone bully or intimidate you into accepting something that is unacceptable. Remember; YOU deserve to be treated with respect and as a customer; satisfaction.

Like I said before, I know there will be an adjustment period and I was prepared for that but I needed dentures that I could function with first.

I went to the new fellow, Adam; yesterday and what a difference it made to have someone listen to me and truly want to help and make me happy.

Adam didn’t argue with me and agreed the dentures were too big and the teeth were too large. I understand he has to be careful to not criticize his associate and sister office but he immediately went to work adjusting my dentures. He spent at least 1/2 an hour shaving the teeth down in length and cutting back the denture itself. He got the uppers to the point I could wear them comfortably, the lowers are going to need more work but I actually wore the uppers for most of the day.

Like he explained, he can’t do anything about the width of the teeth but his goal right now is to get the denture comfortable and attractive enough for me to wear them for 3 months, until my gums heal and my jaw bone recedes a bit. After 3 months he will make me a whole new set of dentures with properly sized teeth.

I go back on Friday for more adjustments and I’m confident by summer I will have teeth I can smile about.

Our appointment lasted over an hour and I never once felt my questions were stupid or I was being unreasonable. Adam spent 1/2 the time listening to me and 1/2 the time working on the dentures. I could tell from the look on my mom’s face that they were much better as soon as I put them in.

It’s amazing what 1/32nd of an inch can do when it comes to something like teeth.

It also made a huge difference to me that my family was backing me and they were not going to accept anything less than me having teeth I was happy with.

My son and brother both said, “Just let us know if you don’t get satisfaction, we’ll come out there and get you new teeth!!” That would be my last resort because they would not be as diplomatic as my mom or I, (but there was this little part of me that secretly would have loved to see that bit#@e’s face when my angry brother and angry tattooed son walked into her office demanding she fix my teeth. Some times all a person needs is for someone to be angry on their behalf. To be told, “I’ve got your back.” That’s what family is all about.)

I think it is despicable (and narcissistic) that the other denturist was insisting I wear dentures I looked horrific with and was in extreme discomfort wearing just because she didn’t want to admit she screwed up. I have worked serving the public and I know customers can be a pain in the butt sometimes but they are the customer and deserve respect and satisfaction.

I also know there is a solution to every problem if a person is willing to look for it. That is one of my pet peeves; people in customer service who say, “Sorry, there’s nothing I can do to help you.”

Like the bank employee that insists there is no way of over riding the computer, writing up a reversing entry, or a Big box store employee who is too busy checking their social media to help you find something. I am extremely patient and understanding, everyone makes mistakes; but I get angry when someone refuses to admit they made a mistake and then gets an attitude about it.

Anyway, I started this post two days ago now and have worn my upper dentures for both days without much discomfort.

Not the best picture in the world but me with teeth with my grand daughter the other day.

I should have taken a picture of the dentures when I first got them, it is such a HUGE difference.

Denture Saga – 10 Tips

I had planned on giving the last 9 tips out of 10 in this post, but it is seeming this is not going to go away that easily and as per is my life, a saga ensues.

Really! I do not bring this on myself! I would stop if I could figure out what I am doing to cause this in my life. I admit when I make poor choices and I will take the blame for a lot of the shit that has happened in my life, but honest to God things like them dislocating my ribs when they attempted to put the defibrillator in, and me being in agony for most of last year; or the doctor quadrupling my heart medication, not following up and almost killing me and me having to figure it out on my own and the 4 year saga of trying to get Disability from welfare…… well I just don’t know how I can be to blame for that stuff.

Oh I know, does someone have to be to blame? Can’t I get over it and move on, harboring resentment isn’t going to fix anything. There are some things that are just are not right and a person does get to the breaking point and I guess my breaking point is being forced to face the world with no teeth. I knew I would be mortified if I had to go through life with rotten teeth, I knew how it was affecting my self confidence to have rotten teeth but even I did not know how devastated I would be to have no teeth.

Try to get angry and demand for the denturist to make things right when you don’t have teeth and can’t talk clearly, lisping every word, feeling so very vulnerable, and she refuses to admit she has made an error. I guess I should step back and explain what has happened so far.

I had to wait a week to get my dentures because my gums had to heal now that they couldn’t put the denture in immediately. The woman who was made my dentures wasn’t working that day but her assistant was there and she pushed my teeth onto my gums and I almost went through the roof!! The denture was too tall and when she pushed it up it hit that flesh at the top of your gum right in the front of your mouth. That is such a sensitive area!

I told her and she removed them, filed some off and tried again and AGAIN I went through the roof! 6-8 times she tried! I started putting them in myself but of course after that many times I was so sensitive it was impossible to know what was hurting. She was in filing them down again when my denturist arrive and I sighed with relief, now someone who knows what they are doing will help me! The assistant was saying I was too sensitive, I explained best I could what had been happening and I was basically ignored. The dentures hurt every where and were too big for my mouth, I couldn’t even close my lips over the teeth and I told the denturist they were too big. They went too far back in my mouth, they were too wide, too tall, in every way they were too big. She kept putting more filler in them so them would fit on my gums. Now, my gums are supposedly swollen and going to shrink, right? so if she has to put a bunch of filler in them NOW, when my gums shrink the dentures are going to be even bigger. I tried to tell her that but she said, “This is not the first dentures I have done. I know what I am talking about” and she refused to make any more adjustments. I couldn’t talk, couldn’t breath, and she said I just had to get used to them, my mouth would adjust. With tears brimming I told her I can’t wear them like this and she said, “Well then don’t wear them. I really don’t care” and she took off her rubber gloves.

I told her again they were too big and mentioned I had worn partials for years and she interrupted me and said dentures are totally different than partials and I just had to get used to these dentures. In 6 months she could make me dentures as small as I wanted but not before then. And I was dismissed.

I called my mom in tears. She said to go the next day and just tell the woman they were too big. I took Stella for a walk and cut it short so I could get home and take them out.

I had almost thrown my partials out earlier that week because they were useless to me now but for some reason decided to keep them, so I dug them out and compared them to the denture.

20180327_200605
This is the picture of the partial totally inside the lower dentur
20180327_200620-1
It’s hard from this angle but you can see the single front tooth of the partial is smaller than the front teeth of the denture

20180327_200544-1

 

The partial fit inside the denture, as you can see from the pictures I had one front tooth on the partial and that is my saving grace. Most people would not have a leg to stand on because they pull your teeth and have no way of proving the teeth in the denture are bigger. But I had my partial plate! that phony tooth was the exact size of my real teeth (and I have photos to prove it). I wrote out exactly what I wanted to say because it is so hard for me to talk without teeth and I didn’t want to cry, which I feared I would if I had to speak.

The next day I went for my appointment with my partials and dentures in hand. She did not read my notes, did not look at the partials and again said I just had to get used to the dentures. I walked out after 5 minutes of her ignoring me and saying, “Don’t wear them, I don’t care.”, leaving my dentures behind.

My mom said she would come with me and to make an appointment for Thursday. We had to drive to their Abbotsford office this time. When we got there the denturist talked to my mother like I wasn’t even there. “She just walked out. She has to let me help her.” and my mom said, “Carrie is right here, you don’t have to talk like she isn’t.” She proceeded to lie to my mother, saying she had offered to fit them, but I just walked out and I said, “You are lying.” Well! she didn’t like that! Can we say narcissist? Don’t ever challenge them or even hint that they may have made a mistake. She insisted she wasn’t lying and I said then I had better start taping my appointments. Then she called in another fellow who works there as her back up and said I called her a liar. If it walks like a duck.

The fellow agreed with her that I had to get used to the dentures. They put them in my mouth and said they looked great and my mom said, “You can’t be serious! they look like horse teeth!” But you see the guy has never seen me before. Then I remembered the partial and showed it to them, it was obvious there was a big difference in size. She pushed my hand aside and he said, “Wait, let me see that.”

Interestingly enough, in her attempts to justify what she had done she admitted that she had made the teeth bigger because the way my teeth were was not “cosmetically appealing”. When I went in for my fitting she had said that I would have gums showing when I smiled and I said that was ok, I had always had my gum show. So, apparently, when she changed the size of the front teeth the machine automatically adjusts the size of all the other teeth. The fellow made many adjustments and it did help but I still looked like I had horse teeth and they were still too big. They shortened them up so they didn’t go as far back and adjusted the depth but there is nothing they can do about the size of the teeth. What right did she have to make that kind of decision? and how many other people has she forced into wearing dentures that didn’t fit? or look right? I am so angry.

Long story short, the woman dismissed us and said she was not wasting any more of her time with us. She refused to discuss anything. I walked out and my mom asked to speak to the guy who followed her out of the office. The waiting room was full so everyone got an earful I am sure.

When I got home I physically measured the teeth and every single tooth in the denture is 1/32nd of an inch longer and 2/32nds wider. 2/32 nds may not sound like very much but when it is in your mouth that ends up being 7/8 of an inch more teeth in my mouth.

So now my mom and I will be going back on Tuesday to get them to redo the dentures.

So Tip #2 is to get your teeth from the dentist when he pulls them or if you have a partial, save it until you are sure your dentures are the right size. I am sure eventually I will get dentures that fit but it sure is depressing until I do. My life is on hold until I get teeth. I could have gotten some side work and turned it down because I don’t want people to see me without teeth. I can’t go applying for jobs with no teeth.

 

10 Horrors Of Getting Dentures and Tips To Avoid Them

Believe me, I never thoughtwould be writing a post giving tips on buying dentures. For one thing, I just kinda thought dentistry had progressed so far, false teeth were basically a thing of the past. If you have unlimited funds and really good teeth that could be true. I lost my dental plan about 20 years ago and my teeth suffered for it.

My smile has always been my identity, my whole life I have heard about my beautiful smile. My smile bought me drinks at the bar,

The waitress as she drops off a drink to my table said, “The guy over there says this is for the most beautiful smile he has ever seen.”

21 smile
About age 21 being a smart ass taking the limelight from my boyfriend
kato and me
Photo from when I hauled scrap, age around 48 with my little buddy Kato, I cried when I saw this photo. As much as I love Stella, Kato was my little buddy and he will always hold a special place in my heart

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

When I hauled scrap all my customers and the guys at Amix called me Smiley. No matter what was going on in my life, I greeted everyone with a smile. Even when I was walking sometimes I realize people were smiling at me because I was lost in thought and unaware that I was walking along with a smile on my face. When a person smiles people smile back.

Maybe it isn’t that important to some people but I think most women feel as I do; having rotten or missing teeth shreds the shit out of a person’s self confidence.

By last summer I was getting very self conscience about my teeth because of a discolored tooth in the front and avoided smiling as much as I could. Then just before Christmas I had a tooth break off at the gum right in the front. That mortified me. But when you don’t have a dental plan what can you do? I certainly didn’t have the money to fix my teeth.

kaela and me
My grand daughter and me last summer

My son wanted family pictures done at Christmas and I ruined them because I didn’t want to smile.

I would never ask; but my mom offered to pay for me to get dentures and I jumped at the chance to once again have a beautiful smile.

I asked the dentist and denturist; if it was possible to have my teeth by my 60th birthday on April 5, and was assured by my birthday I would have a beautiful smile again.

They have what they call “Immediate dentures” now, that they put in at the same time they pull your teeth, it’s supposed to promote faster healing and shorten the adjustment time needed to get used to them. (Cost for extractions $2700. less what welfare pays $900 = almost $1700)

I am deathly afraid of dentists, especially getting 11 teeth pulled all at one time,
(I already had partial dentures for the last 7 years), but they said for a little extra I could have conscience sedation, where I am conscious but can’t feel anything. I got it ok’d by my Nurse Practitioner, my mom was lined up to drop me off, pick me up from the dentist and take me to the denturist to get the dentures fitted. From there my mom was to take me home for the night. I had my mom go with me to pick out the dentures and she insisted on the best, for a total of $5000, less the $1000 welfare pays. (just in case you are like me and thought welfare paid for people’s dental work, wrong!!)

So before I ever get any teeth my mother put out almost $7000, I don’t know about you, but that is a hell of a lot of money in my life and my mother’s too, for that matter.

How much is your smile worth to you?

I really felt I had done my due diligence.

I assured myself I could handle some slight discomfort for the huge pay off in the end, I have been through so much the last few years, this was nothing, people get dentures every day. Right?

I kept my thoughts on how wonderful it was going to feel to celebrate my 60th birthday and be able to smile, laugh and not mind having my picture taken. As it turns out I had even more to be smiling about, I was approved for my disability designation and for the first time since 2011 heard my cardiologist say,

“I guess we won’t see you until next year this time. Great to see you doing so well.”

instead of

“You might drop dead any minute and there is nothing more we can do for you.”

Getting dentures was the icing on my birthday cake.

As they say, “The best laid plans………..”

Which brings me to the reason why I am now admitting to the world I am getting dentures even though I am mortified about having false teeth; it’s the same reason I started my other blog. I am hoping by sharing my bad experience I will save some one else from going through the same thing. I try to turn a negative experience into a positive by hopefully preventing someone else from going through the same thing.

  • I have had to struggle trying to get my disability and found out first hand what it is like to live in poverty and to be homeless – so I recently wrote a 10 page submission to the BC Poverty Reduction Initiative.
  • Why I have a blog on narcissists and domestic abuse.

and now

  • I am giving tips on things you should do or know before you get all your teeth pulled and spend $7000 for dentures.

I will give you Tip #1 right now, but you have to come back to read part 2 for the rest.

Tip #1 – Make sure the dentist knows what he is doing when he gives you sedation, he may say he know, but that doesn’t mean he really knows.  Make sure he weighs you if you and doesn’t “guess” at how much to give you. The dentist over sedated me to the point that they had to wheel me out to my mom’s car and pick me up and put me in the car. I was out cold and the denturist refused to put my dentures in. When we got to my mom’s she had to get a friend to come help her get me into the house. I do not remember any of it.

My mom called and gave them shit, they never should have given me that much with my heart the way it is (and they were well aware of my heart condition I had them call my Nurse Practitioner), they should have never sent me home in that condition and their screw up prevented me from getting immediate dentures. But the screw ups do not end there! Oh no, we couldn’t have it go smoothly ……………….. my story of denture horrors continues tomorrow.

I will give you a hint * Note there is no “after” picture.